I'm So FAT!!!

So, the trip is over...thanks be to the Almighty God. I mean, the trip wasn't THAT bad, but it could have been a lot better. Of course I'm fat. Yes, that's right - I actually went out of town planning on eating my way to the south and back...and boy did I eat.

Friday
We left bright and early, like 5 AM. I timed this perfectly because I knew I wanted to get to Lambert's (the place where they throw the rolls to you) by the time they opened. I think we stopped just once and I made it there in record time. In tow was my little brother, little sister, and little cousin. Yes, I was left to do all the driving - ain't that a fool?

We get to Lambert's and I just knew it was gonna be good. This dude asked me if I had been there before. I replied letting him know that it had been a long while. He told me that things hadn't changed - they were still the same. Sshhhheeeeiiiittt! You could've fooled me. Now granted, the rolls were throwed. And yes, they were the same delicious little carb packed deliciousness that I so remember from my youth - but that was about it. The food was horrible. The potatoes and onion were killer - but other than that - a huge let down. Except though for this woman - I forget her name, but she was the most darling waitress I've ever had, at first. She came to the table telling all of us God bless us this and that - that's cute right? I mean who can't use a little more God in their life? I'm all about a saved waitress. But then she kept trying to hook me up w/her 40-something year old sister. She told me I'd be a perfect match for her sister and that our kids would look nice. Even after I told her that I live in Chicago - she was sure her sister (who's like my mother's age) would be perfect for me. I'm falling out laughing inside at this. I'm thinking, "is this REALLY happening?" It did. I attract the darnest people.

***Let me insert this here. I had a chance to meet a fellow blogger, Complaint Department Manager. Can I just say that the man is a HOTTIE. I've never dated a white guy - but if he said he wanted to try a little something, he could TOTALLY get it. Yea, he was that hot.***

After we'd left there - it was 2 hours until we were to make it to the hotel in Southaven, Mississippi. I think I did it in about an hour and a half. We said our hellos the the family that was there and we made our way to the hotel. I soooo like seeing eateries that I'd never seen before. Such was the case. Brusters. What is that I wondered - the sign said it was real ice cream. Oh boy was it! I tasted three flavors before they told me the special was key lime pie ice cream. And we all KNOW HOW MUCH I love key lime pie, right? So - I ordered a scoop and between the flavor of the ice cream and the buttery-ness (I made it up) of the crust that was strategically placed throughout...hot damn, it was a party in my mouth. I was happy! I was so happy I took a picture of both the ice cream and me in front of the sign. I started to do the happy dance, but opted against it.

After we rested a bit, we ended up on Beale street in Memphis at BB King's joint. It was good solid food. I had catfish. Can't come to Memphis and not have catfish, right? Again, it was good - solid food.

Saturday
You also can't come to Memphis and not have BBQ. Which I stumbled upon based on my extrovert personality. On the way to see my family Friday, I saw a sign that looked vaguely familiar. It was the Chik-fil-a logo...in my best Thelma Harper voice, "hot damn!" I lucked up. I actually got out of the car Saturday morning so I could go inside because I really wanted the full experience. I ended up with a chicken biscuit sandwich with cheese, bacon, and yes - grape jelly. I also had some good southern sweet tea. Listen, Mcdonald's has nothing on this joint. This is the original chicken biscuit and will always be!

So, I was talking to Connie, my order taker, about places for lunch. I mean, come on, that's what I do. I talk to people. How else do you know where to go? I told her that the word was that Corky's was the best BBQ in the area. The straw restocker lady (definition: lady who restocks straws) Leanne came over and told me she hated Corky's. I asked where to go and in better unison that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, they sang Interstate BBQ. My mind rolls cuz the name sounds soooo familiar. HELLO - that's the joint that the Neely's are involved in from the Food Network. BINGO - that's where I was going.

So, after my afternoon nap (eating all day wears a brotha out), I ended up getting directions to Interstate BBQ. Listen: never trust a BBQ joint that doesn't have a cloud of smoke above and around the building. I should have ran at this warning...you do know warning comes before destruction, right? Anyway, I decided to give it a chance. It was horrible. I mean, absolutely horrible. They have this thing called BBQ spaghetti - it's spaghetti, pulled pork, and BBQ sauce...hell to the no no. It was a mess. I mean I couldn't even eat the food. You'll see before and after pictures below - the food was virtually untouched. Even the sweet tea wasn't good. How can sweet tea at a southern BBQ joint not be good, it wasn't. I hope Jim, Pat, or Gina Neely reads this blog - they need to hit me up. This was the worst BBQ I've ever had - I just don't understand how People Mag could name this #2 in the country. How is that possible? I'm fat - I know good BBQ, this folks - well, it wasn't good BBQ.

After lunch (and another nap), we went to the wedding. The colors say it all - cream and tangerine! Good and C-O-U-N-T-R-Y. The food was good though. You can see the pictures and descriptions below.

Sunday
No trip, and I do mean NO TRIP, to the south is complete without a stop to the Waffle House. Yup, I ended up there and talked to Vernon and our waitress Nina. See, I told you I'm a chatty one. People just like talking to me for some reason. I guess I have some gift. I had a great breakfast - that whipped omelette they do up is absolutely stupendous! And yes, I ordered sweet tea instead of orange juice. And as you can see below, they loved us soooo much that they gave us some sweet tea for the road. I mean, you gotta love the south, right?

I thought I was done eating...I wasn't. I ended up at Fogo de Chao in Chicago. It's a Brazilian steak house that is the mother of all of these types of joints. You get this little disc. One side is green, the other is red. If you want food you turn it to green. To stop the service you turn it to red. They bring you every type of meat you can imagine from pork, to sausage, to chicken, to meat wrapped in bacon, from rare, to medium, to medium-well, to well done...ahhh, it's a meat lover's paradise. I took pics of the AMAZING salad bar too. They had a two food round of aged parm/reggiano cheese. That thing retails for like $5,000.00. I made sure I ate about 15 bucks worth though - it was THAT good.

I must mention this...for the first time I had this pepper called pepperdew. It's some sweet and slightly spicy pepper that comes from Africa. OMG - this was soooo good. I had to ask the waiter to tell me what it was. He went to the chef and even found out where I could order some. Um, hello - I'm totally ordering some of these.

So, for the next two weeks I'm running 100 miles a day to make up for the gluttonous damage I've done this past weekend. I know...I'm so FAT! It's ridiculous...

Loosening my belt,
-DTW