Monday, August 4, 2008

I'm So FAT!!!

So, the trip is over...thanks be to the Almighty God. I mean, the trip wasn't THAT bad, but it could have been a lot better. Of course I'm fat. Yes, that's right - I actually went out of town planning on eating my way to the south and back...and boy did I eat.

We left bright and early, like 5 AM. I timed this perfectly because I knew I wanted to get to Lambert's (the place where they throw the rolls to you) by the time they opened. I think we stopped just once and I made it there in record time. In tow was my little brother, little sister, and little cousin. Yes, I was left to do all the driving - ain't that a fool?

We get to Lambert's and I just knew it was gonna be good. This dude asked me if I had been there before. I replied letting him know that it had been a long while. He told me that things hadn't changed - they were still the same. Sshhhheeeeiiiittt! You could've fooled me. Now granted, the rolls were throwed. And yes, they were the same delicious little carb packed deliciousness that I so remember from my youth - but that was about it. The food was horrible. The potatoes and onion were killer - but other than that - a huge let down. Except though for this woman - I forget her name, but she was the most darling waitress I've ever had, at first. She came to the table telling all of us God bless us this and that - that's cute right? I mean who can't use a little more God in their life? I'm all about a saved waitress. But then she kept trying to hook me up w/her 40-something year old sister. She told me I'd be a perfect match for her sister and that our kids would look nice. Even after I told her that I live in Chicago - she was sure her sister (who's like my mother's age) would be perfect for me. I'm falling out laughing inside at this. I'm thinking, "is this REALLY happening?" It did. I attract the darnest people.

***Let me insert this here. I had a chance to meet a fellow blogger, Complaint Department Manager. Can I just say that the man is a HOTTIE. I've never dated a white guy - but if he said he wanted to try a little something, he could TOTALLY get it. Yea, he was that hot.***

After we'd left there - it was 2 hours until we were to make it to the hotel in Southaven, Mississippi. I think I did it in about an hour and a half. We said our hellos the the family that was there and we made our way to the hotel. I soooo like seeing eateries that I'd never seen before. Such was the case. Brusters. What is that I wondered - the sign said it was real ice cream. Oh boy was it! I tasted three flavors before they told me the special was key lime pie ice cream. And we all KNOW HOW MUCH I love key lime pie, right? So - I ordered a scoop and between the flavor of the ice cream and the buttery-ness (I made it up) of the crust that was strategically placed damn, it was a party in my mouth. I was happy! I was so happy I took a picture of both the ice cream and me in front of the sign. I started to do the happy dance, but opted against it.

After we rested a bit, we ended up on Beale street in Memphis at BB King's joint. It was good solid food. I had catfish. Can't come to Memphis and not have catfish, right? Again, it was good - solid food.

You also can't come to Memphis and not have BBQ. Which I stumbled upon based on my extrovert personality. On the way to see my family Friday, I saw a sign that looked vaguely familiar. It was the Chik-fil-a my best Thelma Harper voice, "hot damn!" I lucked up. I actually got out of the car Saturday morning so I could go inside because I really wanted the full experience. I ended up with a chicken biscuit sandwich with cheese, bacon, and yes - grape jelly. I also had some good southern sweet tea. Listen, Mcdonald's has nothing on this joint. This is the original chicken biscuit and will always be!

So, I was talking to Connie, my order taker, about places for lunch. I mean, come on, that's what I do. I talk to people. How else do you know where to go? I told her that the word was that Corky's was the best BBQ in the area. The straw restocker lady (definition: lady who restocks straws) Leanne came over and told me she hated Corky's. I asked where to go and in better unison that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, they sang Interstate BBQ. My mind rolls cuz the name sounds soooo familiar. HELLO - that's the joint that the Neely's are involved in from the Food Network. BINGO - that's where I was going.

So, after my afternoon nap (eating all day wears a brotha out), I ended up getting directions to Interstate BBQ. Listen: never trust a BBQ joint that doesn't have a cloud of smoke above and around the building. I should have ran at this do know warning comes before destruction, right? Anyway, I decided to give it a chance. It was horrible. I mean, absolutely horrible. They have this thing called BBQ spaghetti - it's spaghetti, pulled pork, and BBQ sauce...hell to the no no. It was a mess. I mean I couldn't even eat the food. You'll see before and after pictures below - the food was virtually untouched. Even the sweet tea wasn't good. How can sweet tea at a southern BBQ joint not be good, it wasn't. I hope Jim, Pat, or Gina Neely reads this blog - they need to hit me up. This was the worst BBQ I've ever had - I just don't understand how People Mag could name this #2 in the country. How is that possible? I'm fat - I know good BBQ, this folks - well, it wasn't good BBQ.

After lunch (and another nap), we went to the wedding. The colors say it all - cream and tangerine! Good and C-O-U-N-T-R-Y. The food was good though. You can see the pictures and descriptions below.

No trip, and I do mean NO TRIP, to the south is complete without a stop to the Waffle House. Yup, I ended up there and talked to Vernon and our waitress Nina. See, I told you I'm a chatty one. People just like talking to me for some reason. I guess I have some gift. I had a great breakfast - that whipped omelette they do up is absolutely stupendous! And yes, I ordered sweet tea instead of orange juice. And as you can see below, they loved us soooo much that they gave us some sweet tea for the road. I mean, you gotta love the south, right?

I thought I was done eating...I wasn't. I ended up at Fogo de Chao in Chicago. It's a Brazilian steak house that is the mother of all of these types of joints. You get this little disc. One side is green, the other is red. If you want food you turn it to green. To stop the service you turn it to red. They bring you every type of meat you can imagine from pork, to sausage, to chicken, to meat wrapped in bacon, from rare, to medium, to medium-well, to well done...ahhh, it's a meat lover's paradise. I took pics of the AMAZING salad bar too. They had a two food round of aged parm/reggiano cheese. That thing retails for like $5,000.00. I made sure I ate about 15 bucks worth though - it was THAT good.

I must mention this...for the first time I had this pepper called pepperdew. It's some sweet and slightly spicy pepper that comes from Africa. OMG - this was soooo good. I had to ask the waiter to tell me what it was. He went to the chef and even found out where I could order some. Um, hello - I'm totally ordering some of these.

So, for the next two weeks I'm running 100 miles a day to make up for the gluttonous damage I've done this past weekend. I know...I'm so FAT! It's ridiculous...

Loosening my belt,


Gloria said...

Love your little cousin, really love!!! and love your pictures dear Darius!! xxGloria

Rosa's Yummy Yums said...

A great trip! I'd love to taste all that gorgeous food and see those wonderful places! Nice pictures! Thanks for sharing them with us...



carmencooks said...

Sounds like a great (and delicious) trip! Good luck on those 100 miles a day.. :)

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

LOL! That was a hilarious post...BBQ Spaghetti sounds wrong in sooo many ways! Love your pictures! :)

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

I hear you on the fat thing. I gained a few pounds on my vacation. I hit the Waffle House a couple of times myself. My husband insists that we always stop for lunch at the Waffle House in Smyrna DE on the ride to and from Chincoteague.

I had some great BBQ in Chincoteague myself. The place had the big smoker out back. I'm hoping it survives. It's dicey owning a restaurant in that town. Maybe you needed to make an extreme side trip?

It's funny that you brought up Corky's and Interstate. A few years ago I was in Memphis briefly and saw ads for Corky's everywhere. I was dying to try it. I wasn't in Memphis long enough though. Since my husband has family down there, I do want to go back. However, I'm not sure I'd go to Corky's. As luck would have it, I met up with a very nice couple from DC while I was at the beach this week. The husband was originally from Memphis and I asked him if Corky's was good. He said no way. The place he recommended was called Rendezvous. I guess the next time one of us is in Memphis, we'll have to try it.

Kin'shar said...

Hey im fat too, and I love this

Take care

Complaint Department Manager said...

Darius, twice the flatery being mentioned yet again. I don't deserve such high praise. Ya know, I'm startin' to wonder if the bad Lambert's trip may mean that particular place may be slidin'. I do know for a fact the location near me is still gettin' it right.

Hope you got some great food in Detroit.

Pat said...

HI Darius!

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. The food at the Renassaince Faire was ok -- the usual fast food kind of stuff, but they also had giant roasted turkey legs for sale that my husband liked a lot. I had falafel.

I ate at BB Kings in NYC. It was pretty good!

Emiline said...

HOLY SH*T! Guess where I work at?!
Did you go to the one in Sikeston? I think you did, judging by the pictures. That is SO FUNNY what you said about the food.
The rolls and and potatoes are amazing though. Did you like the fried okra? I think that's good.

What did you get? Chicken fried steak? Or was it fried chicken, catfish, shrimp, rib eye steak, center cut ham, country ham, ribs, Lambert burger, vegetable plate, sausage and kraut, liver and onions, chicken livers, chicken gizzards, chicken salad, chef salad, ham and beans, chicken wings, pork chops, pork steak, meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, roast beef, hot beef, hamburger steak, charbroiled chicken...

Did you try the walnut salad?

Nikki Miller-Ka said...

Hey brotha man! Glad to see you back in one piece!
Ok, so #1: I hate those places that have crazy shit happening while you're eating. There's a place in Myrtle Beach, SC called Dirty Dick's and they talk to shit to you while you eat, throw your food at you, and make you wear a condom hat made out of paper with rude shit on it. Mine said: slut puppy. My best friend's said: needle dick.
#2 Bruster's the THE BOMMMMB!!! It's great even down to the little cherries on the logo. My mom turned me on to them. There's one about 30 minutes from me. It's worth the crazy traffic to get there for their sundaes. And they take checks. It's a shame when you have to write a check for $1.19. But stranger things have happened...
#3: Chik-Fil-A!!! That's my jam! They use peanut oil, but for some reason it doesn't affect my allergies. Every day in high school I'd have a #1 with Sprite, no ice. With Polynesian and honey mustard sauce on the side to dip my waffle fries in. For breakfast, I like to get the little minis. They're cute and make me feel small when I eat them.

#4: Corky's is about the worst barbeque ever. I wish you had my # and could have asked me. I would have told you to run away and run away fast. And the Neely's joint? Whoa...that's sad. For real. I live 20 min from the BBQ capital of the world (look it up, son!) and I wish you could make it here in Oct for the BBQ festival. The pigs come to get eaten, and you always end up eating like a pig.

Sorry this comment is 80 pages long. I missed ya, bro ;)

ShAĆ© - ShAĆ© said...

Sounds like you had a ball. Now you have me wanting some BBQ!

PS- Your little bro is too cute. Looks like he could be your son.

Foodycat said...

I love this post! Even the bad food sounds good!
Peppadews are delicious. If you get yourself some, try stuffing them with some Philadelphia cream cheese. Not one will make it to your guests!

fuzzy said...

looks like y'all had a rite good ol time!

Susan from Food Blogga said...

Yeah, I guess the South isn't exactly know for low-cal food. Glad you enjoyed yourself though!

Dee said...

Whoa, I'd have to throw the belt away after a trip like that. Sounds like you had fun though :) Now get thee to a gym! (I know I need to *sigh*)

kittie said...

ha ha ha - it's my first visit, and I was laughing all the way!!

Sounds like you had a great trip!

Jeanne said...

Hi Darius

Thanks for visiting Cooksister and leaving such lovely comments! Your trip sounds *amazing* and I totally hear you on the fat thing... Every time I come back from vacation I think "things have GOT to change"!!

And hey, you've discovered Peppadews!! Aren't they the best? They were "discovered" by a farmer in the province where I'm from in South Africa! There's quite a few posts about them on my blog too - recipes like Peppadew & parmesan muffins, which I know you'll love!

A.M. said...

1st time blogger:

You're Killing a good way :)

As I sit at my computer 12:30PM -haven't had anything to eat for the day- your blog is rocking my world.

Anything that has to do with food, is fine by me...
Gonna go get something to eat now :)


never say fat darius - never.
just say well-fed.

Claire said...

Sorry your bar-b-que was unsatisfactory. I would have suggested The Rendevouz (spelling is off!) or Corky's for sure!

Mary Coleman said...

Your best Thelma Harper?
Have you been to Nashville?